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[21 Feb 2008|09:21pm] |
Livid is the only word to explain how i feel all the time.
And i dont know if i should talk to her or wait for her to talk to me.
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[21 Feb 2008|02:02am] |
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Its so hard for me to express how i really feel to people. Its easier to hate someone then get over it and thats what I do.I cant be friends with exes cause its to hard for me no matter how much i love them or miss them. No one ever reads these so i don't know why i don't type in it anymore. She was such a big part in my life and i let her go because i was selfish. I blew, lost my chance. Im a fuck up and i know it. And now, because im such a spiteful person, who cant channel his emotions other than pure fucking rage, friendship is out of the question. I just want her back so much and she wants nothing to do with me. And it hurts. i feel like if i try to push her away itll be easier to get over her. if she hates me i have a reason to hate her. I don't want to. Its hard to hangout and not want to cuddle and kiss. now shes with some douche from flesh and blood who lives 2 hours away. cool. this is such a fucking cluster fuck. i mean i'm glad shes happy and what not, it just sucks that its not me, she told me that he reminds her of me, he has a lot of things in common with me. So shes dating me just not. I know i broke her heart and i was stupid and immature and selfish and now theres really no way to tell her how much i love her and how sorry i am for doing what i did. i don't even know if she can read this? whatever if she does im not to concerned. Ive just been so majorly depressed lately. I don't eat very often and when i do i cant eat alot, I smoke at least a pack a day, i don't sleep. My life is just falling apart and the people you hoped you could really count on, you cant. Awesome. I don't know why i care so much, shes just so fucking awesome to be around. everything about her. sometimes i feel this is all to get back at me cause shes so jaded, but its not. I can only hope. this is he worse i've been in a while, i haven't felt this way since Amie cheated on me, the only thing that makes this worse is the fact its all my fault. I don't regret a lot of things but breaking up with her really is one of the things that i do. If i were to die, that would be only regret. i know that shell never want me back, what i did was awful and stupid. I love you so much. I miss you just the same. Just wish you still did.
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[20 Jun 2006|10:35am] |
New Phone CALL IT: 781-6533
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[08 Mar 2006|07:39pm] |
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!!!
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[06 Feb 2006|08:25pm] |
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we got on the brickhouse show!!! FUCKIN STOKED!!!
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[06 Feb 2006|05:43pm] |
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HOODWRECKED UP ON MYSPACE!!!
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[23 Jan 2006|06:39pm] |
So today was ok.
Snowing = shitty for drivers
Things have been goin alright for me. Im probably gunna graduate which is awsome.
I have diareah (-)
I got to see meg today for a bit (+)
She hit a tree leaving my house (-)
School today (+)
Got a myspace tracker (+)
DIDNT HAVE TO GO TO COURT TODAY (+)
Have to pay a fine (-)
Midterms this week (+/-) That ones a toss up.
MY FRIENDS RULE AT LIFE (+++++)
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[22 Jan 2006|11:22am] |
NEW SCREEN NAME: DOVAHxDAVE
Add it.
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[18 Jan 2006|08:50pm] |
xxARSENICxKISSxx (8:44:50 PM): do you wanna come with me to get my tatoo
breakah yo face (8:45:06 PM): FUCK YES
breakah yo face (8:45:08 PM): when?
xxARSENICxKISSxx (8:45:21 PM): i dunno but you want to hear my idea?
breakah yo face (8:45:42 PM): ya
xxARSENICxKISSxx (8:45:57 PM): You know the arizona iced tea bottles?
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thexmadxhatter's journal
